You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
