We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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