I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
