I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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