A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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