i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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