pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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