Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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