I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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