Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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