They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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