I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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