I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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