So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
