Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
