apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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