I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
