I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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