you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
