I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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