Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
