My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
