The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
