I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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