Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Drake has all the answers
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
