omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
