You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
