i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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