well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
