we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
