After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
