he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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