Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
