i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
