I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
