then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
