Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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