I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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