We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
