i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
