I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
