I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
