Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
