Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
