I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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