I accidentally had phone sex last night
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
