pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
