I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
