So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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