do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
