you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
