Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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