I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
