left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
