I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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