I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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