Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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