Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
