You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
