Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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