my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
