just come out here and I will go home with you...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
