He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
